Rendering me from within

… these emotions have already made its way unto the very depths of me.. cast away my frigid shade i lie open.. too vulnerable to pain.. as i walked tirelessly this cascade of unending spiral stair case.. forbidding myself to rest and seek to pave.. for a stretch of time that i call rest may render me within.. and that time i fear it might be the last sonata that we will sing.. too soon it will.. but forever it must not be..

.. the summoning of September draws near..echoes of voices too weak.. comes forth the whisperers of shattering regrets that had tried to relentlessly shaken the very earth i stand.. these tongues will never part me.. let them try.. but they cannot penetrate this over flowing chalice of our forbidden.. the blood that runs inside me is the same as the veins that is in every part of you.. as it runs flowing within me.. so does these ill thoughts that will try and manifest itself to stop the stream..infest and defile the purity of my blood.. it will try and shackle me within the abyss of loneliness and sorrow.. i will not abide to their will to invoke then detest my faith in you.. they may have rendered me within.. but my soul knows to whom my vessel kneels and speak.. to the only one who can make me the weakest of weak.. and with it.. my faith fears them not.

…you.. to whom i trust.. to whom i laid open my all.. to whom i have given my ankh.. is where encore knocks and opens.. it matters me not as to how many doors i have slammed open to get across.. how many bridges i have and will collapse to crush those who dare corrupt this forbidden dream that we both seek….of how many times i may be called bad and jealous by you..for it can and will never out number the times that i took the pain in.. and then took it out.. so that i can take more from you..we both had swallowed each others pain.. both of us.. rendered from within..

but for you..i am ready to do it over and over again..

.. to understand.. one must sacrifice.. one must give.. receive.. sin… forgive.. lie.. accept.. then listens to every truth behind the unmasking pain of reality and the deliverance of doubts and sadness.. salvation from pain may mean death of the heart.. but the only mistake when one heeds to understand… is the word that i have sealed after a long rendering path..never to unlock.. fearing the time to come….

…”let go”

never be fooled by these words.. they may mean salvation.. they may mean deliverance.. but a double edge word commits suicide.. and suicide leads to death.. one that will totally render you from within.. and when it renders.. it will not stop.. till it gets to the core of your very being.. your heart.

i have sealed this..i dare not be tempted by sadness and pain… they will only be there for a time.. but at the end of the day.. they will not be there with you to celebrate your regrets.

.. the reaper may soon come… and “death of the heart” it brings to anyone it passes through.

…none is spared from this rendering fate. but all will be given a chance:

to stop the chase and surrender yourself..
then let it rip you asunder…

-or to run..
to run and run..
 while it endlessly stabs you at the back.. an inescapable fate…

… many have been rendered a hundred times… and many times have they been able to escape from the reapers fate… they who have lived to tell the story.. are left with the scars unseen by any eye..

"i too have ran many times from the reaper..

i too have already been rendered..

and the only thing that gave me more strength to run..

is you.."- Scape

… knowing that i am running…together with you..

let it render us..even if we don't know where this path will take us..let it stab us at the back..but let it know this one thing…
every time you fall.. i will stop..

i will pull you up..

so that we can run together again..i know you too had been pulling me up..every time i went down from all the stabs..

....for no matter what happens along the way..

I WILL NOT LET YOU GO.